'FAWLTY TOWERS' AT THE ALSIK
It should be noted by readers of this review that, despite being a residential guest of the hotel, a table at the general restaurant (the non-Michelin, everyday one) is not guaranteed unless one makes a reservation in advance. Having eaten there (see below), I cannot imagine that there is a tsunami of diners, desperate to get back in again.
The menu is limited and one is only permitted to order the Chef Menu if, “everyone at the table” has the same. This policy makes no sense whatsoever, given that a two-person table next to us was able to order it - but two people from our table were not.
The vegetarian options are inaccurate and lazy. The usual Caesar salad option (yawn) was trotted out by the waitress and we were informed (by both the menu and the waitress) that it, “Could be made vegetarian by removing the chicken”. When I remarked that a Caesar dressing is made with anchovies (fish), the waitress retorted, “Oh, well, lots of vegetarians eat fish". Now, dear reader, it should be noted that vegetarians do not eat fish (the clue us in the name: VEGetarians) and Caesar salad is not - and never has been - a vegetarian option (any half-decent chef should know that). When will restaurants learn the difference between vegetarian, vegan and Instagram influencers (the “I-never-eat-meat-fish-poultry-or-shellfish-except-when-nobody-is-looking” brigade)?
That left a choice of boiled pasta in tomato sauce, a dull cheese board or hummus (but only as a starter, any variation on portion-size likely to give the chef a coronary). One of our dining-party ordered the pasta and left most of it as it was ‘al dente’ enough to chip his molars and pretty much inedible. In the end, our bold vegetarian opted for the hummus. Chickpeas, garlic, tahini and olive oil blitzed in a blender – simple. You can’t go wrong with hummus, can you? Well, as it turns out, you can at the Alsik. What arrived looked like something from the movie, “Oliver!” (we definitely didn’t want “some more”). A watery gruel that, bizarrely, had cocktail onions plonked on top of it and was garnished with a poppadum (because nothing says ‘hummus’ better than cocktail onions and a poppadum). The hummus was inedible (unless you had a straw) the poppadum was generic (and bore no relation to its namesake) and the cocktail onions were an abomination.
The other diners in our party found their meals equally uninspiring and - for the first time ever - our host (known to be an extremely generous 'tipper') did not leave a gratuity.
The whole thing was amateur, unimaginative, uninformed and poorly executed.
Dire.
August 21, 2022
Unprompted review