Illumia/Wekiwi
Illumia/Wekiwi: A Masterclass in How to Lose Your Sanity (and Hearing) in the Digital Jungle
Ah, Illumia—or is it Wekiwi? Frankly, who cares? They’re the same corporate hydra, just with different heads hissing the same nonsense. Join them, and congratulations! You’ve just signed up for “Survivor: Energy Provider Edition”
**Customer Service?** More like an avant-garde audio torture session. Dial in, then enjoy 30 minutes of freakish elevator music that sounds like a dial-up modem screaming into the void. Just as your ears start bleeding, you’ll hear the sacred *"beep beep"*—a taunt! The system hangs up. You’ve been deemed unworthy. Try again, peasant.
Desperate, you’ll crawl online to escape—only to realize you’ve been duped. Illumia and Wekiwi are the same circus, just with different clowns. The invoices? Cryptographic puzzles. To decode what they actually charge per kWh, you’ll need a PhD in electrical engineering, a Ouija board, and a stiff drink.
My breaking point? I stormed into an Enel office like a man reborn. Slapped my ID on the counter and declared: *"Give me 6kW. Throw in three-phase power too—I might start a craft beer empire just to celebrate my freedom."* Twenty minutes later, I was out—blessed with a sane 0.13€ tariff and the sweet sound of silence (no hold music!).
Moral of the story? Some companies exist to test your patience. Illumia/Wekiwi excel at it. Avoid unless you enjoy rage-induced enlightenment.
Final Rating:★☆☆☆☆ (One star for the *audacity*.)